2. "WHAT" - GETTING THE STORY
How much to share and when to share the betrayal story are some of the toughest challenges that face couples attempting to recover from the discovery of infidelity.
You can expect the betrayed partner to obsess over finding out what happened, wondering about every little (but painful!) detail. This puts pressure on the couple for an immediate disclosure.
On the other hand, the unfaithful partner will try to suppress descriptive information. This can lead to an incomplete disclosure with important parts missing.
STUCK IN THE TENSION
The couple is then usually caught in the tension between:
rushing through an unprepared disclosure with disastrous results and
complete avoidance which greatly intensifies alienation and mistrust.
This dynamic is why we actively structure the timing and the process of disclosure. This will allow us to maximize the healing effects of sharing the story of the affair. Revealing the details of an affair is seldom constructive in the presence of uncontrolled emotional intensity. We need you, the couple, to feel safe enough to process the painful emotions so you can fully absorb what has happened.
To accomplish this, we will walk you through the following steps: